Microsoft debuted a new line of Windows Phone 8 TV advertisements last night. Two are currently available, starring celebrity lightweights Jessica Alba and Gwen Stefani, respectively. And two more, starting Andy Samberg and Cam Newton, are coming soon. The ads are designed to show how personal Windows Phone is while showcasing the features that make it so different.

But is this really effective? Do these people really have anything in common with the rest of us?

“With Jessica you’ll see her as a busy working mom, actress and entrepreneur, and she’ll tell the story of how she uses her phone to stay connected to what she cares about most,” Microsoft told me. “With Gwen, you’ll see how she stays organized and connected in her busy life as a musician and fashion designer. They bring to life the idea that Microsoft didn’t make a phone for all of us, but for each of us.”

There you go.

The ads are launching in the US, UK, and France, and in Germany soon, and each country will feature local sort-of celebrities. (I’m crossing my fingers for a David Hasselhoff spot in Germany. Pray with me, people.)

Here are the first two ads.

If I were to star in such an ad—and, like Ms. Alba, my days, too, are “action packed,” cough—I would focus on the fact that most of what I do in Windows Phone can in fact be done in Windows Phone, in the sense that most of it does not require third party apps. But my most frequently used apps include Audible, Amazon Kindle, ESPN ScoreCenter, myAT&T, Facebook, and Twitter. I spend a lot of time in Music + Videos, too, especially for podcasts. Too bad that Microsoft is ignoring this area in other parts of the world.